Monday, December 29

Never meant to make you cry.

Never ever said a lie,
Never ever faked a smile,
Never believed it could be so tough,
Never knew it wouldn’t be enough,
It’s this world that handicapped my love,
But I never meant to make you cry.

I always spoke my mind,
I always felt it would all be fine,
That my love she’ll see and smile,
And forgot her pain for a while,
Whatever I did, I know it hurt,
But I never meant to make you cry

Friday, December 26

In the life of a Playboy...

It’s not tough for a guy to make girls fall for him. When he's rightly equipped, slightly gifted, know his tactics, it isn’t. Initially he might be scared of over using his ability to his advantage, but as success keeps coming, he'll start taking it for granted, applying it on almost every female he meets, every female he thinks is worth taking for a date, every female who would look good with him on his bike or in his car, every female he won’t mind holding hands with, when he's walking across the streets or coming out of the movie hall, every female who makes your head turn, and your heart sink. It’s a statement, a strong one rather, that you try to make to the world out there; "I’m the best, because I can date any girl this world brings in my direction."

It’s a great feeling actually, to always be at the centre of all the action, a place that is really coveted, by the guys who’ve never been there. You start believing that nothing in the world is impossible for you. In the process, you also start ignoring the other person’s sentiments, emotions, whether she’s actually in love with you or not; whether your ignorance is going to hurt her, it’s all so immaterial. They become commodities, not rare, not precious, just so regular, he tends to care least about them, good till they bring him a smile, and dumped when she's become too much of a liability. It all sounds so unrealistic to some, who care the most for their counterparts, and so correct to those females who’ve been dumped by these men called dogs, and true even to those guys who probably have lived this phase at some time in their life, only not realizing how many they’ve hurt till… Well, we’ll come to this soon. So basically, after all the flirting, the sense of achievement every time a girl has dated him, the sense of pride in taking her for the first dates, the first confessions, all those first moments for the relation, yet not even in the count for him, there comes a time, sooner or later, when he come's in close contact with the bare facts, the harsh realities.

This is when its time for him to actually fall in love. And we are not talking about the first relation here. Most guys who’ve had the first relation last long enough have been really serious for their girls and whatever is written earlier, might not really apply to them. We’re talking now of the true love a long time after the guy’s first relation is over, pretty soon after he's had his share of hurting and playing with women, when he's truly entered the shoes of a Playboy. It’s when finally there arrives in his life, this female who means everything to him, when every moment with her, of her thought is so special, that the rest of the world simply fades away. It’s when he's nervous, when he's scared, when he think twice before saying anything, apologize even when she’s not hurt, dresses up perfectly yet manages to screw up in front of her. He know it’s this very special person in the very first moment, and he's ready to do anything and everything not to let her go. He'll even agree to be only friends, I mean, isn’t that better than losing all contact?

It’s exactly this moment, that makes him realize how much he's hurt so many other girls out there, so many of who might not have really cared that much, but many of whom actually might have cried for days to get over him, some who still think of him before every night’s sleep, some who hate him so much now, that even seeing his face is a big no-no. It’s now that he realizes that being a Playboy is only tagged “cool” till it happens in that blockbuster movie, only on screen; it’s not meant for real, and that somewhere down the line, in this race to being the Ultimate Love Machine, he's lost what he could easily label his eternal love, his one and only. Its this change of events that makes him realise all he's done that wasn't right, that his past is strongly responsible for his losing this love of his life.

Thursday, December 11

Feel my existence...

It pains when people cross by,
When they seem to look at just everyone but me,
When their eyes never meet mine during talks,
I know I'm having a real bad time.

My identity seems lost in thin air,
Nobody seems to listen to me, crib.
My voice resounds, still unheard,
Wish I never existed on this Earth.
I want you to make me feel I'm a part,
Of this world that's so beautiful to live in,
I want you to keep in touch,
Wish I could just tell you how I'm feeling.

Feeling I'm losing to
That person who's just entered,
He's stealing my place,
And I can't do anything,
Feeling I've lost to my own self,
I wish I had the wisdom,
If I could just do something.
He uses you blindly, wish you could see,
You follow his word like he's the king,
Wish I could stop you in time from dancing,
To the melodies of bondage that he does sing.
I wish my jokes, rather silly but natural,
Could bring a smile to your face,
I pray to thee to stop your ignorance,
I wish you could feel my existence.

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